She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
