She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
