I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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