i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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