She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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