Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
