: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He felt like a one man threesome
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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