So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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