Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
