My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
