They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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