the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
