I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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