Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Still dying that you shit outside
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
