I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
