U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
