Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
