you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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