Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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