but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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