He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
