She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
