Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
