It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
