My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
