He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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