I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
