Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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