I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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