they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
