i permit you to call me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
