I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
