then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
