I just threw up on my dentist
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
