Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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