You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
