I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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