it was like fucking gandolphs beard
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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