Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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