Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Boobs are out for the taking
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
