I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
