I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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