ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
