So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
