I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
