I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
