There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
