I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
