ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
