This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
